{115}{246}Next up for auction, we have a round of|golf with the hilarious Ray Romano!
{299}{333}Whos Ray Romano?
{334}{404}Hes the star of|Every'body Loves Raymond.
{425}{461}Whats that?
{475}{586}You know, the guy with the 'big nose,|never does what his wife tells him.
{637}{683}On TV for nine years.
{728}{778}Nope. Never heard of it.
{805}{868}Ray, why dont you stand up?
{869}{937}Show every'body|what theyre 'bidding for.
{1069}{1106}Come on, everyone.
{1107}{1201}Look, l know hes not as cute as l am,|'but, hey, he won a couple Emmys.
{1202}{1229}Three!
{1230}{1302}Stop it, Ray.|Youre em'barrassing yourself.
{1337}{1379}Hey, kid, you know who l am, right?
{1380}{1430}Sure. Youre Ray Romano.
{1431}{1468}Whoever that is.
{1547}{1667}Wow, this is sad. lll 'bid $ 1 2.
{1762}{1790}$ 1 1 !
{1804}{1831}Sold!
{1832}{1905}Wait, wait,|dont l get like a going once?
{1922}{1982}Fine. Once, twice, sold. Happy?
{2027}{2182}Okay, up next, we have a dinner with|teen pop sensation, Hannah Montana.
{2309}{2345}$5,000.
{2346}{2394}-$6,000.|-$ 7,000.
{2395}{2499}All right, why dont you all come up|and just punch me in the face?
{2520}{2580}$ 7,000, going once...
{2581}{2616}You know, l got to admit,|l was kind of nervous
{2617}{2665}l was gonna get stuck with some jerk.
{2666}{2701}Going twice...
{2702}{2738}$ 1 0,000!
{2781}{2828}-ls that...|-lt couldnt 'be.
{2829}{2863}Sweet ni'blets!
{2864}{2920}Hiya, toots, wear something yummy.
{2921}{2995}But no heels.|l dont want to clim'b too high.
{3039}{3087}$ 1 0,000, going once...
{3088}{3157}-Guys, do something.|-l spent all my money on Roy.
{3158}{3209}Ray! Ray!
{3231}{3305}You know what?|Dont worry a'bout it. Here.
{3306}{3333}Heres $ 1 00.
{3334}{3407}Why dont you golf with|Snotty McBoogerhead?
{3430}{3491}$ 1 0,000, going twice...
{3517}{3560}$ 1 5,000!
{3578}{3607}Sold!
{3788}{3823}Come on!
{3824}{3893}You get the limo out front
{3927}{4016}Hottest styles, every shoe|every colour
{4017}{4112}Yeah, when youre famous|it can 'be kind of fun
{4113}{4212}Its really you|'but no one ever discovers
{4239}{4321}Who would have thought|that a girl like me
{4322}{4452}Would dou'ble as a superstar?
{4453}{4555}You get the 'best of 'both worlds
{4556}{4604}Chill it out, take it slow
{4605}{4647}Then you rock out the show
{4648}{4758}You get the 'best of 'both worlds
{4759}{4798}Mix it all together
{4799}{4884}And you know that|its the 'best of 'both worlds
{4977}{5034}l cannot 'believe its Johnny.
{5058}{5125}l havent seen him in, like, two years.
{5139}{5192}Hey, Miley. Hows it going?
{5296}{5357}Pretty good, just getting|some ketchup for my veggie 'burger.
{5358}{5387}l see you like mayonnaise.
{5388}{5427}lve never tried that on a veggie 'burger,
{5428}{5488}and may'be l should,|'but not today 'because lve already got
{5489}{5548}-the ketchup thing going...|-Miley! Miley!
{5601}{5679}You know,|what a lot of people dont know is,
{5696}{5772}its also a wonderful moisturiser.
{5791}{5847}Here. lsnt that lovely?
{5848}{5909}Moisturiser. Youre pretty funny.
{5973}{6024}My hand does feel softer.
{6080}{6135}$ 1 5,000, going once...
{6136}{6177}$ 1 6,000!
{6222}{6252}Seventeen!
{6253}{6319}Take mama home, 'ba'by.|Take mama home!
{6320}{6358}Remem'ber how much|he liked Hannah?
{6359}{6448}lf he wins, this could 'be the start|of something 'beautiful.
{6458}{6525}If we were a movie
{6526}{6582}Youd 'be the right guy
{6583}{6645}And Id 'be the 'best friend
{6646}{6700}That youd fall in love with
{6701}{6780}In the end wed 'be laughing
{6781}{6810}Watching the sunset
{6811}{6843}$ 1 8,000!
{6935}{7021}$ 1 8,000 to the little man|with the 'big wallet.
{7022}{7087}-How do we stop him?|-l got your 'back.
{7159}{7230}So what if Rico wins?|How 'bad could it 'be?
{7255}{7323}If we were a movie
{7324}{7378}Youd 'be my main squeeze
{7379}{7444}And Id 'be the 'big hunk
{7445}{7507}That youd fall in love with
{7538}{7580}$ 1 9,000!
{7624}{7679}Nineteen, going once...
{7711}{7777}-Going twice...|-Wrap it up, 'ba'by. Wrap it up.
{7778}{7840}-Sold!|-Hallelujah!
{7891}{7932}$20,000!
{8074}{8140}Sorry, kid. Theres always next year.
{8147}{8240}Unless Hannah Montana wants to raise|dou'ble the money
{8241}{8326}and turn this into a dinner for three.
{8327}{8384}Donny without Marie say what?
{8406}{8485}You know,|it would 'be great for the 'beaches.
{8486}{8572}-lts okay with me.|-Lets hear it for Hannah Montana!
{9271}{9305}Hey, Roxy.
{9363}{9438}lm sorry, 'ba'by 'boy.|What are you doing here?
{9461}{9507}Bleeding internally.
{9544}{9587}Whats going on down here?
{9588}{9644}You two are supposed|to 'be at the Dodger game.
{9645}{9684}Why arent you at the Dodger game?
{9685}{9736}-lts too hot.|-Too hot?
{9737}{9794}What kind of wimpy example|are you setting for your son?
{9795}{9826}Now, get moving.
{9827}{9871}Throw on a hat and some sunscreen,
{9872}{9917}and may'be stick|one of those frozen lemonades
{9918}{9982}down the 'back of your pants.|ltll 'be fun!
{9983}{10079}Now hold on there, Danica Patrick.|Whats got your engines all revved up?
{10080}{10160}Yeah, and when did you and Dad|go to Niagara Falls?
{10218}{10280}That. Yeah. Thats a funny story.
{10281}{10359}Yeah, lll tell you that|after the 'base'ball game. Bye.
{10360}{10426}Well, great. Then that will give you|a chance to explain
{10427}{10506}when l wore this hula skirt|and this coconut 'bra,
{10507}{10581}'because l sure as heck|dont remem'ber it.
{10582}{10617}lm sorry.
{10633}{10717}May'be l sort of told|some'body that, well,
{10718}{10783}l live here and lm married to you.
{10796}{10832}-What?|-What?
{10870}{10919}My high school reunion is this week,
{10920}{10976}and Clarice Johnson|is going to 'be there.
{10977}{11011}-Who?|-Who?
{11028}{11114}Okay, will you stop doing that?|lts very irritating.
{11126}{11216}Well, so is finding out|that were now man and wife!
{11217}{11289}Yeah, start talking, Mom.
{11319}{11416}l spent my entire childhood|tortured 'by Clarice Johnson.
{11417}{11492}She was prettier, more popular,|more everything.
{11493}{11553}And l will not have her|thinking that l am single
{11554}{11635}and living in an apartment|with a goldfish named Denzel.
{11636}{11674}But you are.
{11675}{11706}No, thats not true.
{11707}{11803}l had to flush Denzel.|Now l have a doggie named Diddy.
{11848}{11913}And you expected us to just|go along with this?
{11914}{12001}No, l didnt. l expected you|to 'be at the Dodger game.
{12054}{12098}When she came over.
{12129}{12235}Look, lm sorry. l didnt mean to put you|in this awkward position.
{12236}{12296}l dont know what l was thinking.
{12370}{12429}Roxy Roker!
{12430}{12469}Hello, Clarice.
{12544}{12668}You must 'be Jackson and Ro'b'by.
{12719}{12767}You know, l gotta tell you,
{12768}{12820}l thought you made the whole thing up.
{12821}{12848}You know something?
{12849}{12956}No'body, and l mean no'body,|in our entire class
{12957}{13051}ever expected that Roxy|would ever find a man.
{13052}{13146}ln fact, she was voted|most likely to die alone.
{13203}{13317}Look, when you walk into that reunion|with that man on your arm,
{13318}{13393}every'body who ever thought|you were a man,
{13439}{13511}theyre gonna owe you an apology.
{13512}{13548}Listen, a'bout that, l got to...
{13549}{13594}Hey, no need to apologise.
{13595}{13692}Check out this picture of me|and my foxy Roxy
{13693}{13744}cliff diving in Acapulco.
{13824}{13863}Thats my man!
{14024}{14065}Hey, chipmunk cheeks,
{14066}{14152}which one of these colognes do you|think will drive Hannah Montana crazy?
{14153}{14215}Just 'be yourself. That should do it.
{14216}{14247}Youre right.
{14248}{14323}How can l do any 'better than|my own Ric-aroma?
{14372}{14433}Oh, yes. She will 'be mine.
{14478}{14544}Un'believa'ble, l finally get|a date with Johnny,
{14545}{14611}and now Rico is gonna ruin everything.
{14633}{14696}Thanks for getting me sick, Lilly.
{14728}{14764}My pleasure.
{14845}{14891}Guys, come on!
{14892}{14956}The last thing l need is to get sick
{15009}{15088}and miss the date with Johnny.|Thats it!
{15146}{15218}Save the snot, guys. l got plans for it.
{15401}{15451}Get away from me. Youre sick.
{15452}{15509}No, its just allergies.
{15578}{15617}Sorry.
{15618}{15677}Can you throw this away for me?
{15698}{15746}Back off, 'booger 'boy!
{15834}{15891}Hey, handsome. Hows it going?
{15907}{15942}Get away from me!
{15943}{16042}lve got a 'big date on Saturday,|and no'body is going to ruin it.
{16331}{16382}Curse this Ric-aroma!
{16409}{16445}You owe me!
{16564}{16615}That ought to get her done.
{16690}{16745}Hey, can we get some nachos?
{16773}{16808}No pro'blem.
{16949}{17006}On second thought, never mind.
{17083}{17174}Operation Rico Sicko complete-o.
{17223}{17294}l cant get the Rico taste off my mouth.
{17307}{17365}lm gonna have to 'boil my lips.
{17689}{17767}Excuse me, can l get a 'bigger spoon?
{17825}{17865}Thats Hannah Montana.
{17866}{17927}l know. Shes my date.
{17928}{17963}Yeah, right.
{17997}{18029}-Hi.|-Hi.
{18053}{18085}Hi.
{18086}{18134}You said that already.
{18143}{18202}l dont care. l think its cute.
{18227}{18328}You think thats cute,|say hello to drop dead gorgeous.
{18529}{18612}So, l heard you went to school|in Arizona. How was that?
{18613}{18682}Not 'bad. l played a lot of 'basket'ball.
{18683}{18737}You know, it was so hot,|it was hard to get my head in the game.
{18738}{18799}My ears are stuffed. Whatd you say?
{18800}{18873}Head in the game. Head in the game.
{18874}{18947}-You know, get my head in the game.|-l get it.
{18948}{19006}Now, make yourself useful,|poodle dude.
{19007}{19094}l want a picture of my first date|with my future wife.
{19192}{19285}Smile pretty.|This could 'be our first Christmas card.
{19286}{19366}Yeah. Happy Holidays.|Love, 'beauty and the 'beast.
{19380}{19419}You so get me.
{19563}{19646}You know, if youre not feeling well,|you could always go home and rest.
{19647}{19730}Good idea. Lets go, love 'bunny.
{19731}{19820}You can have my salad.|lm taking the main course to go.
{19871}{19961}Slow down, little Romeo.|Were all on this date together.
{19999}{20050}lf you dont feel good,|you could go home
{20051}{20081}and we could have dinner another time.
{20082}{20214}You know a year, two, the afterlife.|lm very flexi'ble.
{20215}{20251}Forget it.
{20252}{20280}Fine.
{20322}{20404}-Well just... Well just try to ignore him.|-Okay.
{20569}{20621}How would you like|your shrimp prepared?
{20622}{20680}Hacked into tiny little pieces.
{20824}{20878}Hands off the fancy cheese.
{20898}{20950}l raised you 'better than this.
{20951}{21012}You didnt raise me at all.
{21030}{21090}Dont sass your mama, 'boy.
{21091}{21160}Roxy, youre not my mama!
{21196}{21235}lm sorry.
{21236}{21351}lts just that the reunion is tonight,|and Clarice and... Theyre here!
{21386}{21469}Ro'b'by Ray Stewart, you take your feet|off my nice coffee ta'ble.
{21470}{21504}Yes, dear.
{21560}{21590}Clarice!
{21591}{21699}Roxy, this is my hus'band, Edward.
{21700}{21734}Nice to meet you.
{21735}{21770}Nice to meet you, Eddie.
{21771}{21848}And this is my man, Ro'b'by Ray.
{21849}{21882}Now, l know what youre thinking,
{21883}{21960}l drilled for good-looking|and hit a gusher.
{22055}{22120}-What a 'beautiful view you have.|-Thank you.
{22121}{22161}Cost us a 'boatload,
{22162}{22234}'but my Ro'b'by-cakes|just loves to spoil me.
{22261}{22322}The things we do for our ladies.
{22332}{22383}You have no idea, Eddie.
{22412}{22507}Hey, Mom, have you seen|my college-level physics 'books, Mom?
{22526}{22588}l didnt know we had company, Mom.
{22643}{22707}Edward, this is my stepson, Jackson.
{22733}{22775}We have a son a'bout your age.
{22776}{22830}Hes a genius with a violin.
{22853}{22955}My Jackson is a genius, too.|On the piano.
{22956}{22996}-l am?|-He is?
{23020}{23097}Of course he is.|Hes a real 'bad mamma jamma.
{23098}{23127}Yeah.
{23129}{23165}Wed love to hear you play something.
{23166}{23217}-No, you wouldnt.|-No, you wouldnt.
{23669}{23731}l like to add a little hip-hop flair.
{23732}{23785}Yeah, he gets that from me.
{24063}{24105}Were very proud.
{24130}{24169}Jazz hands.
{24395}{24441}Seriously, may'be you should go home.
{24454}{24538}Youd like that, wouldnt you,|you walking pom-pom?
{24569}{24613}Hey, Rico, are you not feeling good?
{24614}{24699}Thats too 'bad 'because|this food is really good. See?
{24795}{24856}Oh, no. Oh, no!
{24870}{24943}Hannah! Come on,|hes driving me crazy, too,
{24944}{24984}'but the poor kid is sick.
{24985}{25059}And hes ruining our date.|Dont you see?
{25060}{25154}Hes not mean 'because hes sick.|Hes mean 'because hes evil!
{25155}{25199}How do you know hes evil?|You just met him.
{25200}{25322}l can read people. lts a gift.|See, youre hot and hes...
{25929}{26007}Yes! l should have thought of that|an hour ago.
{26021}{26077}l paid 20 grand for this?
{26107}{26138}Thats it. lm out of here.
{26139}{26203}Wait, Johnny.|Johnny, where are you going?
{26204}{26251}As far away from you as l can get.
{26252}{26346}l thought youd 'be cool|and down-to-earth, like your songs.
{26353}{26423}No'bodys Perfect. You aint even close.
{26441}{26509}Johnny! Come 'back!
{26510}{26572}Way to get rid of the third wheel.
{26876}{26910}Look, Ro'b'by Ray,
{26911}{27004}can you 'believe that thats the girl|you fell in love with?
{27036}{27094}l still cant 'believe it.
{27095}{27183}Every day with this 'beautiful woman|feels like the first.
{27184}{27249}l know exactly what you mean, Edward.
{27261}{27324}Look. Ro'berta Franklin.
{27325}{27435}You know, l hear shes still single,|packing groceries in a supermarket.
{27479}{27531}Shell pro'ba'bly never show up|this evening.
{27532}{27565}Well, you dont know.
{27566}{27641}l mean, she may not 'be a millionaire|with a gorgeous hus'band,
{27642}{27707}'but she may 'be perfectly happy|with her life.
{27708}{27797}Please, how could any'body 'be happy|with a life like that?
{27798}{27833}lts possi'ble.
{27834}{27865}l mean, you can get through a lot
{27866}{27939}if youre surrounded 'by people|who love you.
{27968}{28019}Well, l can tell you one thing,
{28020}{28116}if l see her tonight,|lm not speaking to her.
{28117}{28190}l will. ln fact, lll sit with her.
{28191}{28275}lt turns out l have more in common|with her than l do with you.
{28276}{28312}Whats gotten into you?
{28313}{28348}Pride.
{28349}{28413}Pride in myself and who l really am.
{28414}{28466}Now lm gonna say something|l shouldve said
{28467}{28521}the minute that you came in here.
{28522}{28576}-What?|-Get out of my house!
{28656}{28692}Go on, get!
{28739}{28831}Way to go, Clarice.|This is why we dont have any friends.
{28958}{29027}Dont worry.|lll tell her the truth at the reunion.
{29028}{29078}lf l even speak to her.
{29079}{29157}And thanks, Ro'b'by.|Thank you for everything.
{29291}{29352}Okay, honeymoons over.
{29383}{29445}Just one more second, snuggle-puss.
{29572}{29642}l am so glad lm done with that flu.
{29643}{29766}Yeah, the only thing good a'bout getting|sick is you feel so great when its over.
{29807}{29857}lf l live that long.
{29858}{29884}l feel awful.
{29926}{29999}-Poor Miley.|-Poor 'both of me.
{30008}{30095}Johnny 'barely noticed Miley|and now he hates
{30134}{30165}Hannah.
{30199}{30234}This might not make you feel 'better,
{30235}{30286}'but sometimes things happen|for a reason.
{30287}{30376}May'be it just wasnt meant to 'be|with you and Johnny.
{30377}{30440}Yeah. Youre right.
{30441}{30505}That didnt make me feel any 'better.
{30517}{30554}You know, Miley, its true.
{30555}{30639}l mean, if lve learned anything|in my past with the ladies, its...
{30640}{30691}Dont wear your|lm a chick magnet T-shirt?
{30692}{30743}That was one time, Lilly.
{30776}{30816}Anyways, l was gonna say,
{30817}{30869}if the universe doesnt want you|and Johnny together,
{30870}{30929}-theres nothing you can do a'bout it.|-Yeah.
{30954}{31040}And if the universe wants|to change its mind, then...
{31107}{31158}-How do l look?|-A little green.
{31159}{31233}lts a cute green.|lts a really cute green.
{31304}{31371}Miley? Miley Stewart?
{31385}{31413}Hi.
{31414}{31481}l havent seen you in, like, two years.
{31491}{31564}-You look great.|-Thanks. So do you.
{31565}{31672}l heard you had a date|with Hannah Montana.
{31673}{31731}Yeah, what a disaster that was.
{31732}{31786}Sorry, thats too 'bad.
{31787}{31837}She wasnt for me anyway.
{31847}{31905}l like girls who are more down-to-earth.
{31906}{31961}Kind of like l remem'ber you were.
{31962}{31993}Really?
{32005}{32065}-Yeah, really.|-l...
{32230}{32283}And the universe has spoken.
{32322}{32377}And it had shrimp last night.
{33009}{33062}Who you trying to kid, 'boy?
{33296}{33369}Thats right, Daddy. lm deep.
{33556}{33612}l just wanted you to love me.
