{100}{161}Sorry, Carl, the answer is six.
{163}{227}That means|you are dum'ber than a dog.
{285}{314}Wow.
{445}{503}When is this not on?
{553}{653}Next up, a CD from rapper White Gold.
{655}{741}Or should I say, Warren Gold'blatt?
{797}{934}Another prep school poser|whining a'bout how hard it is out there
{936}{997}to 'be a gangsta.
{1053}{1137}-Barney Bittman. l love that guy.|-l love this.
{1139}{1224}Are you guys serious?|He trashes practically every'body.
{1226}{1345}l would not waste two seconds|on that squinty-eyed little weasel.
{1397}{1525}Coming up, a CD|from teen pop sensation, Mikayla.
{1527}{1626}Or should I say, teen poop sensation?
{1653}{1680}Move over and hit record.
{1682}{1775}If Cupid had a heart|he would make you fall
{1777}{1881}Youd fall in love with me|in no time at all
{1883}{1939}If Cupid had a heart...
{1941}{2039}lf Cupid Had A Heart. Give me a 'break.
{2041}{2136}If Mikayla had a heart,|shed stop singing.
{2195}{2307}But I did 'buy two of her CDs|and they were fantastic
{2309}{2381}at 'blocking out her moose calls.
{2439}{2489}Crush her, Barney, 'ba'by.
{2501}{2650}Coming up next week, I review|yet another teen pop sensation,
{2652}{2709}Hannah Montana.
{2730}{2768}Whoop-dee-do.
{2858}{2890}Barney Bittman?
{2892}{2995}Whose career is that squishy-faced|snake going after this time?
{3275}{3314}Come on!
{3316}{3415}You get the limo out front
{3417}{3506}Hottest styles, every shoe|every colour
{3508}{3603}Yeah, when youre famous|it can 'be kind of fun
{3605}{3724}Its really you|'but no one ever discovers
{3726}{3810}Who would have thought|that a girl like me
{3812}{3942}Would dou'ble as a superstar?
{3944}{4045}You get the 'best of 'both worlds
{4047}{4093}Chill it out, take it slow
{4095}{4136}Then you rock out the show
{4138}{4244}You get the 'best of 'both worlds
{4246}{4287}Mix it all together
{4289}{4379}And you know that|its the 'best of 'both worlds
{4468}{4579}Daddy, there is no way lm letting|Barney Bittman review my concert.
{4598}{4650}Cant l just have the flu?
{4697}{4774}Mile, why are you letting this guy|get to you?
{4776}{4815}Whats the worst thing he can say?
{4817}{4853}Well, how a'bout,
{4855}{4978}Hannah Montana, what did|that poor state ever do to you?
{5108}{5174}You know, that sounds exactly|like something he would say.
{5176}{5241}-Mileys right...|-Where?
{5285}{5369}-And it would 'be terri'ble.|-ltd 'be just awful.
{5371}{5459}And, honey, it wouldnt matter.|You said yourself, the guys a jerk.
{5461}{5564}Yeah, 'but hes a jerk|who knows good music.
{5566}{5669}And if he doesnt like me,|then may'be lm no 'better than Mikayla.
{5682}{5760}Miley Stewart, you dont 'believe|that any more than l 'believe
{5762}{5882}calling a snail escargot is gonna|stop it from tasting like a salty loogie.
{5918}{5990}You know, as gross as that sounds,|l have to agree.
{5992}{6088}Hes right. Miley, youre way 'better|than a salty loogie.
{6155}{6208}Fine. lll do the concert.
{6225}{6297}But if Barney Bittmans|going to 'be there,
{6299}{6374}this has got to 'be the 'best show|l have ever done.
{6376}{6469}All week l am going to rehearse.|No distractions, no interruptions...
{6471}{6515}Surprise, surprise!
{6575}{6608}-Uncle Earl!|-Earl!
{6610}{6696}l ran over this in Texas.|Who wants to grill it up?
{6728}{6768}Sweet ni'blets.
{6858}{6948}Whoo doggies. Look at this place.
{6950}{7015}You folks sure live high on the hog.
{7038}{7083}Speaking of hogs,
{7125}{7185}l cant 'believe you 'brought Cuddles.
{7187}{7236}Well, l needed someone|to keep me company.
{7238}{7285}lt was either him or Aunt Pearl.
{7287}{7384}And this one doesnt need|to stop every 20 minutes to tinkle.
{7426}{7521}-Hey, Uncle Earl, whats this?|-Thats Cuddles tinkle 'box.
{7569}{7602}You are such a wimp.
{7604}{7662}-Take it 'back, take it 'back. Take it.|-Stop it! lts getting on me!
{7664}{7745}lts getting...|lts seeping through my clothes.
{7839}{7898}Daddy, you know l love Uncle Earl,
{7900}{7976}'but how am l going to focus|on my concert with him here?
{7991}{8031}Mile, l wouldnt even worry a'bout it.
{8033}{8111}lf l know Earl, all hes going to want|to do is run around Hollywood
{8113}{8216}with a map of the stars homes|and play Cele'brity Ding Dong Ditch.
{8231}{8285}Like you did|when we first moved here?
{8287}{8345}Good times, good times. Yeah.
{8430}{8506}So, Earl, what do you want to do first?
{8508}{8622}Venice Beach, Hollywood Sign,|may'be play a little Ding Dong Ditch?
{8672}{8776}That sounds tempting,|'but lm out here on a mission.
{8815}{8932}lm gonna 'be a rock star.
{8967}{9003}-What?|-What?
{9031}{9079}l know it sounds crazy.
{9081}{9140}But Ro'b'by Ray,|you followed your dream.
{9142}{9203}l always kick myself|for giving up on mine.
{9205}{9246}l mean, look at us.
{9248}{9307}Remem'ber when l was the hot one?
{9354}{9414}-He was the hot one?|-No, its true.
{9416}{9501}Uncle Earl was the prom king|and Dad had a uni'brow.
{9532}{9596}Sexiest uni'brow in Buford County.
{9625}{9691}You know,|all these years lve wondered
{9693}{9772}what would have happened|if ld stayed with my music.
{9774}{9894}Would l have a little 'bit more of this?|May'be just a little 'bit less of this?
{9913}{10004}Well, now with the help|of Hannie Montanie,
{10006}{10057}lm gonna know for sure.
{10094}{10184}Uncle who showed up|at the worst time possi'ble, say what?
{10186}{10217}l know what youre thinking.
{10219}{10283}This unc cant 'bring the funk.
{10299}{10364}Well, get ready to scream like a girl
{10366}{10471}when you feel the power of Uncle Earl.
{11056}{11093}Well, whatd you think?
{11095}{11178}-l think l lost a filling.|-Me, too.
{11192}{11260}-lll drive you to the dentist.|-Okay.
{11304}{11339}Be honest.
{11370}{11426}l can honestly say
{11465}{11567}lve never heard anything like it 'before.
{11614}{11692}And l may never hear|anything ever again
{11731}{11766}like that,
{11768}{11817}'because it was special.
{11847}{11878}So youll help me?
{11880}{11960}A talent like yours|just screams help me, Earl.
{11982}{12046}l knew my kin would 'be there for me.
{12085}{12129}Theres just one little pro'blem.
{12131}{12187}You see,|l have this concert on Saturday
{12189}{12238}and this major critic is coming,
{12240}{12304}so lm going to 'be|rehearsing every minute,
{12306}{12352}-so l dont...|-Thats no pro'blem.
{12354}{12392}Thats perfect!
{12394}{12449}What 'better way for me|to learn how to 'be a rock star
{12451}{12505}than to follow you around?
{12545}{12624}You wont even know lm there.|Just a little fly on the wall.
{12626}{12684}Just a little fly on the wall
{12801}{12882}lm going to 'be needing|a really 'big fly swatter.
{12962}{13003}I am a rock star
{13174}{13206}Yeah
{13208}{13252}That was awesome.
{13270}{13320}That was awesome. Great jo'b, guys.
{13322}{13384}l can already hear|Barney Bittman saying,
{13386}{13484}What a 'band, what a girl,|what a show.
{13539}{13610}All right, now lets kick some 'butt|on No'bodys Perfect
{13612}{13676}and call it a great day. Lets go.
{13762}{13815}Every'body makes mistakes
{13899}{13951}Every'body has those days
{13983}{14033}One, two, three, four
{14035}{14124}Every'body makes mistakes|Every'body has those days
{14126}{14169}Every'body knows|what, what Im talking a'bout
{14171}{14214}Every'body gets that way
{14216}{14300}Every'body makes mistakes|Every'body has those days
{14302}{14347}Every'body...
{14419}{14499}Uncle Earl, what are you doing?
{14501}{14584}-Watching your rock star moves.|-Gee, thanks.
{14636}{14695}Earl! Dang fla'b'bit. There you are.
{14697}{14733}Come on, Ro'b'by Ray.
{14735}{14823}l done seen the lighting 'booth,|the sound 'booth, the dressing room.
{14825}{14912}l just want to watch one song|real close up, please?
{14966}{15036}Now, Earl, that puppy dog face|used to work when we were kids,
{15038}{15083}'but lm a man now.
{15138}{15230}What the heck, Miley?|One song wont hurt, will it?
{15232}{15301}Thank you, O Man of Steel.
{15348}{15377}Okay.
{15430}{15547}You can watch one song, 'but, please,|just dont get in the way.
{15549}{15604}l wont. Fly on the wall.
{15606}{15684}You wont even know lm here.|Wont even know lm here. Not here.
{15686}{15713}Look out, Uncle Earl.
{15777}{15865}Earl, you clumsy dang clodhopper!|Sorry, young fellow.
{15909}{15963}lts cool. lt was an accident.
{15965}{16040}-Are you hurt, son?|-l think l 'broke my hand.
{16063}{16121}But you can still play, right?
{16123}{16152}No.
{16154}{16229}But lm sorry,|l mean, its just so important.
{16231}{16326}Dont worry, kiddo.|l caused this pro'blem, lm gonna fix it.
{16341}{16396}l dont like where this is going.
{16398}{16526}Hannie Montanie, say howdy|to your 'brand-new guitar player.
{16528}{16626}Every'body makes mistakes|Every'body has them days
{16667}{16741}Are you sure|you cant play with your feet?
{17035}{17093}Daddy, what am l going to do?
{17095}{17186}As soon as Barney Bittman|sees me on stage with Uncle Earl,
{17188}{17248}hell rip me worse than Mikayla.
{17250}{17298}May'be Earl wont 'be that 'bad.
{17300}{17415}Im gonna 'be a rock star!|Im gonna 'be a rock star!
{17417}{17473}Hes doing a jig with a pig.
{17552}{17597}lll go talk to him.
{17627}{17708}Perfect. Dad will talk to him,|hell understand
{17710}{17766}and everything will 'be okay.
{17946}{18008}So, who wants pie?
{18055}{18090}You caved, didnt you?
{18092}{18205}lm sorry, honey, 'but he looked at me|with that puppy dog face.
{18257}{18315}lve got a puppy dog face, too.
{18416}{18467}No, Earls got you 'beat.
{18486}{18554}Fine. lll go talk to him.
{18587}{18692}l cant 'believe it, Pearl.|Mileys making my dream come true.
{18694}{18740}l feel like Sanjaya,
{18757}{18804}you know, in the early rounds.
{18806}{18850}And you know what?
{18852}{18924}Ever since l found out|l was in the 'band,
{18926}{18975}lm not hungry all the time.
{18977}{19071}lts like l was eating|to fill the emptiness,
{19073}{19165}and now my guts are filled with love.
{19167}{19227}And its all 'because of Miley.
{19347}{19394}So how did it go?
{19455}{19519}He said l filled his guts with love.
{19548}{19629}Well, this is quite the dilemma.
{19631}{19694}You cant keep Uncle Earl away|from the critic,
{19696}{19795}and you still havent figured out how|to keep the critic away from Uncle Earl.
{19797}{19864}What to do, what to do?
{19915}{19944}Whats it going to cost me?
{19946}{19987}A hundred 'bucks|and Cuddles sleeps in your room.
{19989}{20033}-Fine.|-And you clean the tinkle 'box.
{20035}{20083}Yours or the pigs?
{20104}{20152}Dont push it.
{20154}{20210}Now all you have to do|is get Barney to leave the concert
{20212}{20277}to go to a party at Ozzy Os'bournes.
{20279}{20371}Perfect plan...|lf l knew Ozzy Os'bourne!
{20442}{20515}Well, you do now, love.
{20517}{20560}Sharon!
{20722}{20769}Hannah, this place is packed,
{20771}{20825}and l can see Barney Bittman|in the 'balcony.
{20827}{20872}Does he look happy?
{20900}{20992}Catch of the day? What day?|Last Thursday?
{21032}{21068}Not really.
{21089}{21197}Miley, the shows going to start|in five minutes! Wheres Uncle Earl?
{21199}{21241}May'be he got stage fright!
{21243}{21294}You know, deep down,|he really is very shy.
{21296}{21344}Check out your funky uncle!
{21346}{21438}lm a rock star!
{21506}{21595}Okay, Funkle Earl,
{21608}{21697}l love the whole flaming head thing|you got going on.
{21699}{21760}Just, can we 'bring it down a notch?
{21762}{21819}Or more? A lot?
{21839}{21926}Whatever youre comforta'ble with.|A lot would 'be good.
{21951}{22052}Sorry, its hard to take it down|on the greatest night of my life!
{22054}{22169}l mean, look at me! lm so excited|lm sweating my flames off!
{22212}{22321}Well, then lets go get you a towel.|And may'be a 'big hat.
{22323}{22422}Or whatever youre comforta'ble with.|A 'big hat would 'be good.
{22521}{22596}Well, l guess its all up to Jackson now.
{22612}{22650}Pray with me.
{22753}{22788}Barney!
{22802}{22872}-Barney, you cheeky monkey.|-Ozzy!
{22874}{22921}Come give Ozzy some love.
{22923}{22956}Ozzy!
{22972}{23020}You look terri'ble.
{23022}{23086}What are you doing|at a Hannah Montana concert?
{23088}{23145}ls that where l am?
{23147}{23219}l thought l was getting a taco.
{23263}{23344}Listen. Listen. Listen.
{23346}{23386}lm listening!
{23420}{23490}-Well?|-You didnt say anything.
{23517}{23543}Right.
{23545}{23655}Theres a party at my house. Come on!
{23686}{23772}Wait a minute,|l have to review Hannah Montana.
{23774}{23873}But Sharons making...
{23875}{23951}Avocados all mashed together.|lts very good.
{23982}{24078}Okay, lll go with you,|'but just one question.
{24109}{24169}How stupid do you think l am?
{24201}{24245}l was hoping, a lot.
{24265}{24305}Enjoy the show!
{24374}{24426}-Jacksons plan is gonna work.|-Jacksons plan is gonna work.
{24428}{24482}-Jacksons plan is gonna work.|-Jacksons plan is gonna work.
{24484}{24545}Great news. My plan worked.
{24547}{24588}-lt did?|-lt did?
{24590}{24689}Yep. Bittmans on his way to Ozzys|right now, so just go out there,
{24691}{24761}have a great concert|and dont worry a'bout a thing.
{24763}{24795}-Youre lying.|-How did you know?
{24797}{24843}Your lips are moving.
{24863}{24911}lm sorry. l tried.
{24963}{25031}Yall saw what|Barney Bittman did to Mikayla.
{25033}{25104}Think a'bout whats going to happen|to me when he sees me on stage
{25106}{25169}with the Earl of Em'barrassment?
{25220}{25276}lm an em'barrassment to you?
{25331}{25368}-My tooth!|-Mine, too. lt hurts.
{25370}{25434}-Okay. Be right 'back.|-Nice flames.
{25492}{25517}Uncle Earl, l...
{25519}{25611}Earl, l found you a hat.|lts a 'big one, too.
{25652}{25714}You dont want me to play with you,|do you?
{25716}{25750}Oh, 'boy.
{25762}{25818}No, l dont.
{25844}{25901}Earl, this is my fault.
{25903}{26000}l shouldve 'been honest with you|from the get-go. We love you, its just...
{26002}{26071}lts just this show,|its so important and...
{26073}{26130}-And youre so...|-Stupid.
{26148}{26226}Come on now, Earl.|l mean, you dont have to...
{26264}{26341}What was l thinking,|trying to 'be a rock star?
{26343}{26448}l was 'born a loser.|lm always going to 'be a loser.
{26450}{26539}lm the most em'barrassing|dang doofus in this whole family.
{26541}{26636}Worst than Unlucky Bucky,|or Wacky Wil'bur, or even Jackson.
{26660}{26691}Hey.
{26693}{26768}Good grief, 'boy,|look what youre wearing.
{26770}{26833}And now,|the legendary Tower of Blues
{26835}{26909}is proud to present Hannah Montana!
{26941}{26967}Uncle Earl...
{26969}{27062}Thats all right.|Ro'b'by can play the guitar parts.
{27064}{27117}Hes got the hair for it.
{27153}{27237}lm sorry, Earl.|Come on, darling, its show time.
{27403}{27463}Oh, yeah
{27491}{27578}How you doing, Tower of Blues?|Are you ready to rock?
{27737}{27810}Keep playing, Daddy. lll 'be right 'back.
{27961}{28028}Come on, guitar man.|Drop your snack, youre in the act.
{28030}{28056}What?
{28058}{28124}Yeah, come on.|l need my funky uncky on stage.
{28126}{28217}l thought you was worried|a'bout that 'big-time critic.
{28219}{28285}l was, 'but l was wrong.
{28287}{28349}The truth is,|l dont care what any'body thinks.
{28351}{28418}Everyone deserves a chance|to live their dream,
{28420}{28466}and yours is waiting for you|on that stage.
{28468}{28543}So, come on,|l dont have time to argue.
{28545}{28589}Wait for me!
{28667}{28719}Now were ready to rock!
{28776}{28872}Sometimes I walk a little faster|in the school hallway
{28874}{28923}Just to get next to you
{28925}{29065}Some days, I spend a little extra time|in the morning just to impress you
{29067}{29133}Guess you dont notice|Guess you dont need this
{29135}{29205}Sad youre not seeing|what youre missing
{29207}{29278}On the outside, shying away
{29280}{29360}On the inside, dying to say
{29362}{29430}Im unusual|Not so typical
{29432}{29511}Way too smart to 'be waiting around
{29513}{29587}Tai chi practising|Snow'board champion
{29589}{29636}I can fix the flat on your car
{29638}{29708}I might even 'be a rock star
{29710}{29771}I might even 'be a rock star
{29773}{29822}Hit it, Uncle Earl!
{30570}{30607}Cant sleep?
{30609}{30646}Howd you know l was out here?
{30648}{30715}This is where l came after|my first concert.
{30717}{30758}Pretty pumped, arent you?
{30760}{30876}Kiddo, l havent 'been this excited since|the last time l saw my 'belt 'buckle.
{30890}{30934}You were awesome tonight.
{30936}{30975}Thank you.
{30977}{31081}l cant 'believe you were foolish enough|to let this old hill'billy out on stage.
{31083}{31198}Hey, if you cant 'be a fool for family,|who can you 'be a fool for?
{31233}{31264}So what are you going to do now?
{31266}{31346}lm going to go home. l miss my Pearl.
{31381}{31432}But what a'bout your rock star dream?
{31434}{31511}l lived it tonight, thanks to you.
{31513}{31641}And sitting here, lve realised|something very, very important.
{31643}{31669}Whats that?
{31671}{31710}l cant get up.
{31741}{31809}-How a'bout l help you up?|-All right.
{31989}{32069}Whats next? Oh, yeah.|Hannah Montana.
{32071}{32195}First of all, the name. It rhymes.|Cute, 'but why?
{32270}{32333}This is not starting off well.
{32335}{32374}Why dont l just change the channel?
{32376}{32432}l think Are You Dum'ber Than A Dog?|is on.
{32434}{32517}Yeah! ltll 'be much more fun watching|Oliver lose to the 'beagle again.
{32519}{32580}That dog was coached!
{32611}{32741}Guys, its cool. l did right 'by my family,|and thats all that matters.
{32743}{32804}Hannah and her 'band|gave one of the most
{32806}{32933}'bizarre, chaotic performances|Ive ever experienced.
{32947}{33006}Dont care, dont care, dont care.
{33008}{33087}And I loved every minute of it.
{33089}{33216}It was pure old school,|kick-'butt rock and roll.
{33218}{33285}The way it should 'be.
{33315}{33381}Yes! ln your face, Mikayla!
{33383}{33465}He likes me|Barney Bittman likes me
{33581}{33623}Not that l care.
